No April Fool this year - 2020

It has been a while.

I no longer had the discipline to keep writing.

But tonight I just felt like doing it.

Today is 1st April 2020. April Fool they said.

But can't do April Fool this time due to the Covid-19, a pandemic disease that currently affecting us, not just in Sabah, Malaysia but the whole world.

Due to this, the Movement Restriction Order is in place. We are no longer allowed to move/go anywhere freely. This is to ensure that we could stop the spreading of the virus which has no vaccine until this moment. Yet, our country is doing the best we could.

Today we finally got the news. A call and then the official letter finally comes in. Yup, most of us got to go through on Unpaid Leave starting 1st May 2020 to ensure the company can still survive during this difficult time as the Tourism industry is heavily impacted due to no tourist arrival. When things get better, then we can all come back to work as usual. Fingers crossed.

I am not sure how long would this be. But I am no longer sure if I will still be working in the company. But 1 thing that I am sure is.. that we will go through this difficult time because everything will pass soon.

I am glad though. Because of this Covid-19 and the MRO, I have more time to reflect. Some of the things that I realized is not that nice but not bad either. But it surely gives me a perspective to look at. I realized that I have neglected some of the things that I shouldn't but I also learn much hard truths. It makes me feel uneasy. I find myself frantically looking for something to understand what I am feeling and how to handle things. I went to google, read bible passages, talking with a friend, just to get my mind clear. And because of this, finally..finally what I've found is.. it resounds more clearly that what I really need is actually - GOD.

And for that again, I come back to my first love. And I found peace.

Becoming a mother

With heartfelt gratitude and thanksgiving to God, after 39weeks and 4days, the delivery has been smooth. Coming to the end of my pregnancy, I was a bit anxious and nervous about giving birth.  Mostly because I could not imagine the contraction pain or the whole process at the delivery room. I am thankful to have my sister Yann as my advisor, and my dear sister Onel who shared her experience. We were just 1 months apart.

On Monday, 8^th of July, as usual we went back to Kota Kinabalu for my clinic check-up. My due date was supposed to be on the 12 July but I didn’t feel any contraction pain yet. The journey from Ranau to KK was somehow a bit painful as I started to feel back pain. After going to clinic at 2pm, I drove to Hospital Likas to visit my niece who are hospitalised due to infection. Then around 5pm, I started to feel back pain. The pain come and go. When I asked my sister and after describing the pain to her, she said the contraction pain had started. It was bearable as it only come and go around 15mins interval.

But at night, it started to have a shorter gap. Around 7 – 5mins gap. I began to worry as my husband is at Ranau. He will only go down to KK tomorrow morning. I prayed to God to at least wait for my husband to be with me before I go to the hospital. The whole night, the contraction pain is getting worst. I could not sleep well. Here’s the chronology of my contraction pain until my delivery.

5pm – contraction pain started - 15mins gap.

10pm – contraction pain – 7mins gap.

Next day..

4am – contraction pain – 5mins gap.

7am – contraction pain – 3mins gap.

I got a message from hubby that he is driving back to KK soon. So I decided to take shower, wear my most comfortable clothes, and wear the overnight pad. I was preparing to go to hospital. I was waiting for the sign – either water breaks or bloody vaginal discharge.

Other signs that I noticed during my contraction:

1. Lower back pain and cramping – this come and goes

2. Diarrhea and a little nausea

3. Strong and regular contraction – this finally leads to bloody discharge.

9.30am – Hubby arrived around this time and my contraction was getting stronger.

10.30am – I went to the toilet to pee and when I check my pad, there’s a bloody vaginal + mucus. I calmly tell mom and hubby that it is time to go to the hospital.

On the way, I was a bit nervous as the contraction is getting shorter and I started to control my breathing. Hubby was a bit concerned to but I told him to just drive calmly.

11.15am – Arrived at the Hospital Likas, went up to Level 2. Went in to the Assessment Room, inform the nurse at the counter that I have bloody discharge, that my contraction started at 5pm yesterday.

11.30am – change my clothes to the pink robe. Doctors and nurses started to do the checkup. I was 5cm! And will be sent to the delivery room as soon as the room is available. Went for a scan to check on baby’s position. All good and I am waiting to be transferred to the labour room.

12.30pm – Transferred to the labour room. Hubby is waiting outside and joining me later after all the paperwork. Doctor said they will check again at 4pm to see the opening. My contraction come and go.

4pm – Checked for my opening but still 5cm. They said that they will assist to break my water so that the opening will be faster. It was done but the contraction is getting worst. Doc gave me option for the pain relief. Initially I chose Nitrous oxide, but it doesn’t stop the pain entirely. Then I asked for Pethidine which was injected directly to my buttock. I felt sleepy right after. And I slept for about 1 hour before I finally woke up feeling like I was going to poop.

8pm - It happens so fast. The midwife asked me to put my legs up and I start to push. The other nurse and doctors are cheering for me. I look at hubby and he looked confused, not knowing what to do. I smiled at him and ask him to hold my back and wipe my tears. Then finally at

8.10pm - I heard my baby boy 1^st cry! What a wonderful feeling! 😊

When I think back, throughout the process, I was quite calm. Because I have set my mind that I want to fully enjoy the moment and to be able to remember so that I can write. Well, of course the pain was beyond what I could describe but for me, it is bearable. So to mom-to-be out there, don’t worry. It is indeed very painful, but it is bearable.

Due to the episiotomy - a surgical cut made in the perineum (the area between the vagina and the anus — usually to widen the vagina to hasten birth), I got stitches and it is as painful as what people said. But I went through it with lots of controlled breathing and holding the rail on my bed. After that, I got to hold my little baby for skin to skin contact for about 30mins before the midwife took my baby for a bath. When the midwife return, I finally got to see my baby with his cute clothes. He smells sooo nice. 😊

11pm - I was transferred to the ward. The next morning, I was discharged but baby had to stay in the hospital due to his bilirubin level is too high (jaundice). We were there for another 5 nights which is the most heart-breaking moment for me. Yet, during this time, I got to rest well, and finally accepting that I am becoming a mother.

09.07.2019

Our thanksgiving for the gift from God.

09.07.2019

Baby Dyllent Othniel Hillary

1 Samuel 1:27‭-‬28
I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord . For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord .” And he worshiped the Lord there.

Dearest baby,

Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Psalm 139:1‭-‬18
You have searched me, Lord , and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord , know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.

WORD OF WISDOM FOR 2019

This post is long overdue. It is already half of 2019 and I am already in the word of wisdom for my 2019.

2014 - Learn

2015 - Decision

2016 - Action

2017 - Bold

2018 - Excellent

Last year was my excellent year and it close well with the Shining Star award during the Annual Dinner @ my office. I am just so thankful for all the opportunity I got and the unending support I received from my colleague.

This year will be a lot of changes, and so far I am happy that it is in line with what I am currently doing and also what I face at my workplace.

My word of wisdom for 2019 is CHANGE. I got this word at the end of 2018 and I am reminded with the sharing I got from my colleague Tracy and Mercella.

Sometime, all I need is some CHANGES to happen in life. And this three things shared by Mercella really struck me.

To have a change in life:
1. Read the word of God
2. Be disciplined
3. Change the habit

The word of God have changed so many life. And I am most humbled by how God did the same to me when His word become my daily bread.
It is easy to be sidetracked but with discipline, I am more conscious now on how I spend my time to do my work, for my family, ministry and myself.
And it slowly change my habit of procrastinating that always hamper my productivity. And the lesson I learned about changing my habit is, I am more conscious on what I am doing, what I am thinking and how am I feeling. I am more mindful and more positive & calm.

These are the things that keeps me going for the half of the 12 months so far.

On a side note, currently I am 36 weeks & 2 days pregnant with our first one (YEAY!) and I am thankful to God for this wonderful gift. My husband and I were hoping that baby is ready to meet the world on the 1st July 2019 (Our 2nd anniversary :D) hehe,, (EDD is 12 July) but of course la.. dari baby ja.. the most important thing is baby sihat.

Please pray for us! Sometime I do feel nervous, with mixed feeling. I can only surrender to God, praying so that all will be well. :)

Well, that's all for a quick update..

Forever.

Putting My Dream To Test

Recently, we have a Master Mind Circle (MMC) in our office where we got to share the books that we read and have discussion on the learning points from the book.

So we've started with the book titled Put Your Dream To Test by John C.Maxwell, a well known author. It start off by saying that all people have dream. But most people do not know how to achieve their dreams.

It is very interesting the way how John define the meaning of dream, which I personally got inspired: 

A dream is an inspiring picture of the future that energizes your mind, will, and emotions, empowering you to do everything you can to achieve it. A genuine dream is a picture and blueprint of

a person’s PURPOSE and POTENTIAL.

Four Common Reasons Why People Have Trouble Identifying Their Dream

1. Some People Have Been Discouraged From Dreaming BY OTHERS.

2. Some People Are Hindered By Past DISAPPOINTMENT and HURTS. Disappointment is the gap between EXPECTATION and REALITY.

3. Some People Get in the Habit of Settling for AVERAGE. 

4. Some People Lack the CONFIDENCE Needed to Pursue Their Dreams.

We all have 'The ONE Forgotten Dream'. And for me, it was to be a skilled and creative Tailor. I still think about it from time to time but I have never really do anything about it.

Revisiting this book given by my mentor Willie when I just started my first job at BET. Everyone have a BIG dream that seems to be forgotten. But it doesn't have to be that way. Successful people dream. And they achieve it. Dream is an inspiring picture of the future that energise your mind, will, and emotions, empowering you to do everything you can to achieve it. Dream can be put to test and pass. 

And I am in the journey to finding back my dream, and to put test on it. :)

WORD OF WISDOM FOR 2018

Hi,

It has been so long I haven't write anything here.

I have to say that 2016 had been such an amazing year for me. Despite all the ups and the down, everything now seems like it was a great year! So I thank God for that.

The highlight of my 2016 are: 

Bible Study Group - Romans, John, Acts

Engagement with my childhood sweetheart - Mr Hillary S. (Now is my dear Husband =) )

Recwel President - The highlight is the Scavanger Hunt series and the Annual Dinner.

Many more. And I really felt that it was my ACTION year. Lots of happening here and there.

So this year is my BOLD year. My highlight so far..

Bali Trip with Karas for 6D5N - Almost like my trip before changing my status

Promoted to be Senior Tour Consultant - After 3 years working in BET.

Celebration of love - Married with my childhood sweetheart, Mr Husband!!

Coming back after 2 weeks holiday with a change status, wow. I feel like I am a new person. Not sure why I felt that but I began to think that there is nothing that I couldn't go through and every situation no matter how hard it seem, things will change because there is nothing fixed or permanent in this world.  And I want to thank God for that. And especially to my colleagues who are very supportive and very understanding. Heartfelt thank you to my Ass. GM, Sue, who are very supportive for the first half year of 2017. Without her understanding, I wouldn't be able to breath especially during high season!

To cut short this post, I just wanted to say that I really enjoy listing down the word of wisdom for every year. It has been 4 years now since 2014 (Learning), 2015 (Decision), 2016 (Action), 2017 (Bold) and next year (2018) I already get my word of wisdom!! It will be EXCELLENT!

I don't know why I am so excited to keep listing this words but it really helps me to keep me on track. I have this word to keep me going for the rest of the year and looking back, it really is such a journey for me. 

This word came about when I was handling my booking and some of my clients give a very positive feedback. But for those that didn't, I don't really mind because I know that they did stretched me to be better next time. It was also due to the recent training that we had in the office called 'Go Put Your Strength To Work by Marcus Buckingham. And I really enjoyed it. I learned that most of the time, it was easier to talk about our weakness. But not so much on our strength. So, this training really helps me to focus on my strength and really put my strength to work. Special thanks to our HR team, Yuko and Lea.

So next year, I hope that I am able to rise above the challenges and improve on the quality of my work, to deliver excellently in anything I do. :)

Next post to be continued...